The guard was cowering behind an overturned cabinet. He cringed back as Teatime stepped over it. “What’re you doing here?” he shouted. “Who 𝘢𝘳𝘦 you?”

“Ah, I’m glad you asked. I’m your worst nightmare!” said Teatime cheerfully. The man shuddered. “You mean . . . the one with the giant cabbage and the sort of whirring knife thing?”

“Sorry?” Teatime looked momentarily nonplussed. “Then you’re the one about where I’m falling, only instead of ground underneath it’s all—” “No, in fact I’m—”

The guard sagged. “Awww, not the one where there’s all this kind of, you know, mud and then everything goes blue—” “No, I’m—”

“Oh, shit, then you’re the one where there’s this door only there’s no floor beyond it and then there’s these claws—”

“No,” said Teatime. “Not that one.”

He withdrew a dagger from his sleeve. “I’m the one where this man comes out of nowhere and kills you stone dead.” The guard grinned with relief. “Oh, that one,” he said. “But that one’s not very—”

— Hogfather by Terry Pratchett, Sian Clifford (Narrator), Bill Nighy (Narrator), and 1 other (Discworld, #20)