Lights! Camera! Mayhem!

Coming to a screen near you...

TEMPORA, THE TIME TRAVELLING TOURIST

Starring Astrid Gustafsson as Helen of Troy - 'the face that launched a thousand ships' (Homer)

With Dirk Thrust as Achilles - 'demi god and hero' (Homer)

And the Wooden Horse as Himself - 'easily the least wooden performance from anyone participating in this particular travesty' (Dr Maxwell)

Watch and weep as this epic tale unfolds...

It's drama, darling! In this year's festive tale, the nation's favourite film producer, Calvin Cutter, returns to darken the doors of St Mary's once again...